Houston, We Have A Problem

Unless you’ve spent the last weekend living under a rock (and if you did, no judgment), you’ve heard that the next season of the Oprah Winfrey Show will be her last.  That’s right, the Reigning Queen Of Media is sloughing off part of her empire, like a snake getting rid of a layer of scales.  Except, you know, more viewer-friendly and less ookie.

Why?  I blame the Academy.  If the Daytime Emmys would simply give her a Best Daytime Talk Show Emmy every year, and introduce a new category called Best Daytime Talk Show That Isn’t Oprah, I bet she’d stay.  She’s feeling unloved and unappreciated, and that is just WRONG.

Or she’s made enough money for 1000 lifetimes and is moving on.  Whatever.

What does this mean for MY Media Empire?  I’ll tell you, oh constant readers.  I only have 18 MONTHS to get on Oprah’s show.  After that, I’ll have to start kissing up to Martha, and we all know how hard THAT is.  I doubt she’d fine my – um… irreverence?  smart-assery?  brattiness? – to be a Good Thing.

And as the song goes (from the musical, Chicago, in case you were wondering), I simply can not do it alllllooooooonnnnnne.  In short, I need your help.  I need to have as many people as possible email Oprah here: https://www.oprah.com/ord/plugform.jsp?plugId=216, and tell her why The Cheap Chick from the Twin Cities should be on her show.

Now, several readers have approached me with other ideas – write a book and have it be her Book Club offering, try and meet someone from her staff, kidnap Gayle – and I appreciate your creativity and forethought.  However, let’s try it my way first, before we resort to criminal activity, okay?

So here’s what I’d like all of you (and everyone you know) to do – click on the link above to get to Oprah’s contact page.  Tell her why I should be on her show.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.

Of course, this gives rise to another question.  Exactly why SHOULD I be on Oprah’s show?  What do I have to offer, besides my random personality and ortho-straighten smile?  Here are three reasons to get your started:

1.  I put the Fun back in Frugality – Fungality!  Wait, that sounds like athlete’s foot…

2.  I speak to all levels and all types of thriftiness, from the extremes (never buying cable TV) to the more gentle means of saving money (where to find the cheapest round of golf).

3.  I belive getting the biggest bang for your buck is cool, cooler than bragging about how much money you’ve spent on something.  I’d much rather talk about how score something cheaply than pay full price for anything.

But what’s in it for you?  Isn’t that what matters most?  Remember, if you help me get on Oprah, I’ll perform the Richfield Senior High Tapaires dance for the Richfield Fight Song on Fox 9’s Morning Buzz.  You get to see me embarrass myself on local TV, I get to be on Oprah’s couch.  Everyone wins!